Platform: PlayStation 2
Developer: Alfa System
Publisher: XS Games
Released: November 17, 2004
What is it: Blind idiot translation: the video game.
0:00 – The story of Castle Shikigami 2, from the back of the box. “The time: 2006, the distant future. The Demon Gods have reappeared above the skies of Tokyo City with the goal of continuing the domination and conquest of humanity.” This game is going to be cheesy as hell, isn’t it? Ah well, time to defend the distant future six years in the past!
0:01 – Engrish alert! These three just from the difficulty select screen: “Player can play all stage”, “This mode is for a beginner”, and “Player can play fist 3 stage”.
0:03 – So the game is a top-down shoot-em-up with two attack modes that vary between the different characters and a universal bomb. Point multipliers are awarded for letting enemies or enemy shots get near you. As the game says, “That’ all. Good luck.”
0:07 – I know point systems are entirely subjective to the game, but this game has some silly point inflation going on. It’s only level 1-2 and I already have almost 150,000,000 points. This game is the Zimbabwe of scores.
0:08 – And the game has broken itself. The first boss showed up, some green haired anime-looking woman named “Arala Cran”, and it started some dialogue. Because that’s what people play shoot-em-ups for, the story. Anyways, there’s no way to clear the dialogue and the game won’t advance unless I do. I know the game isn’t frozen since I can move my character in the background, but there’s no way to keep playing. Restart!
0:15 – And back to Arala Cran. Apparently there was supposed to be voice acting that just didn’t trigger. The voices and dialogue are just as hilariously bad as you would expect, though nothing to the extent of “fist 3 stage”.
0:16 – Boss defeated! Cue more hilarious dialogue.
“Forgive me. Prayer for your soul.”
“Okay, maybe not so bad.” *explodes*