The 2012 Gaming Project

200 games, 366 days. This year I will play every game in my backlog.

Chrome (PC)

Platform: PC
Developer: Techland
Publisher: Strategyfirst
Genre: FPS
Release date: October 28, 2003
Metacritic: 69

What is it?: A generic sci-fi FPS loaded with cliches and bad ideas.

0:00 - Two people sitting in the cockpit of a spaceship while ominous music plays. The game was released in 2003, and it certainly shows.

0:01 - Two people (not the same two) sit in a cockpit of a spaceship (different cockpit) and talk in cliche action movie dialogue about a mission. Apparently their names are Bolt Logan and Ron “Pointer” Hertz, headed to the planet Zorg. This already seems like a bad action movie that takes itself too seriously. Also, one of them sounds like he’s voiced by Duke Nukem. It doesn’t help.
0:04 - I’m already getting a bad feeling about this. The default bindings have you using WASD, the mouse, and reaching over to hit keys like I or M. Did anyone bother to play test this control scheme before it was released? Thank god for the ability to rebind controls.
0:06 - I complete the tutorials and my partner and I run forward through a nearby forest. Epic music plays as nothing happens. Whee.
0:08 - I’m liking how they handle the inventory system. It’s reminicient of the atache case from Resident Evil 4 (except this came first). I’m less fond of how you get items from fallen enemies. If I can take their ammo and it won’t take any more room in my inventory, why do I have to click, drag, and drop it? Definitely could’ve used some streamlining.
0:14 - The artificial intelligence… well, it isn’t. Normally I’d expect someone to react if the guard next to them gets shot in the head by a loud sniper rifle, but not these guys.
0:16 - Someone is running to my right, I shoot them with the rifle, and their body goes helicoptering off to the left. Ooookay.
0:21 - Partner earlier: “We could each take 100 of these guys barehanded!” Partner now: “I’m in deep shit! Help me out!” I expect to find at least 100 guys attacking him. More realisticaly, I expect to be disappointed.
0:23 - And I died. The only option is to restart the mission, tutorials and all. Makes me realize just how much a difference checkpoints make. Time to start quicksaving always.
0:25 - One of my biggest small annoyances in games is when you have two movements speeds, run and walk, and your allies always move faster than you walk but slower than you run. Stopping and going just to keep pace with allied AI is not fun.
0:28 - Another annoyance: unskippable cut scenes. This game is just finding all kinds of ways to irritate me.
0:29 - This sniper keeps hitting me the second I pop out of cover. Is the AI tracking me through solid objects? Because nothing pisses me off as much as cheating AI.
0:41 - Alright, back to where I was and a bit further. Plenty of generic FPS action, though not a run-and-gun game like many of the era. Requires strategy and use of cover to keep from getting killed.
0:42 - SHOCKING! The AI character that isn’t featured in any of the promotional images on Steam or in the game has turned on me! Curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal!
0:43 - The now evil AI sidekick says I’m about to die. “Objective accomplished!” the game cheerfully tells me. Yay?
0:45 - So the extent of his genious plan to kill me was to send two enemy grunts after me. The same grunts I’ve already killed a half-dozen of. This is the plan he spent 2 minutes monologuing about how genius it was. What an idiot.
0:50 - I get trapped, only to be rescued by a blond woman wearing what can only be described as a jump suit made out of a taxi cab. Same shade of yellow, complete with black and white checkerboards on the arm. This is, of course, accepted as totally normal. An alliance is formed, banter is had, and we’re off!
0:55 - A couple of rooms, and some more grunts, later and we enter an elevator. Taxi cab lady walks to the control panel, does a complete 360, then pushes the button. Huh. Pretty sure that wasn’t supposed to happen.
0:57 - Some things about this new character. First, taxi cab lady doesn’t stand normally when not moving, she stands in the obligatory, hips swayed “sultry” stance that must be really uncomfortable. Second, her walking animation is rather awkward unless viewed from one angle: behind, which works to show off her distinctly highly detailed butt. Third, you have to clear the room for her because she’s unarmed and, despite successfully sneaking into an occupied and heavily guarded base, can’t use one your weapons because… reason. Fourth, every time you tell her its safe to move ahead she, a bit too cheerfully, replies “I’m coming!” with a distinct emphasis on the second word. Once again a game disappoints me by making another potentially interesting female character into a defenseless sex object that you need to protect. Disgusting. Even more so because she has a tendency to stand around with her mouth agape, looking a bit too much like a blowup sex doll.

0:58 - Another elevator, another 360 turn from taxi cab lady. What the hell?
0:59 - Reach the roof and I get killed quickly. Yeah, I think that’s enough for this game.
Will I play it again: No. The core shooting isn’t bad (if dated) but there’s a lot of minor annoyances that add up, the characters and story are, so far, intellectually devoid, and then there’s the uncomfortable, unnecessary, overly-objectified, taxi cab clad female partner that adds nothing.
  1. gamingproject2012 posted this