Castle Shikigami 2 (PS2)
Platform: PlayStation 2
Developer: Alfa System
Publisher: XS Games
Genre: Shoot-em-up
Released: November 17, 2004
Metacritic: 67
What is it: Blind idiot translation: the video game.
0:00 – The story of Castle Shikigami 2, from the back of the box. “The time: 2006, the distant future. The Demon Gods have reappeared above the skies of Tokyo City with the goal of continuing the domination and conquest of humanity.” This game is going to be cheesy as hell, isn’t it? Ah well, time to defend the distant future six years in the past!
0:01 – Engrish alert! These three just from the difficulty select screen: “Player can play all stage”, “This mode is for a beginner”, and “Player can play fist 3 stage”.
0:03 – So the game is a top-down shoot-em-up with two attack modes that vary between the different characters and a universal bomb. Point multipliers are awarded for letting enemies or enemy shots get near you. As the game says, “That’ all. Good luck.”
0:07 – I know point systems are entirely subjective to the game, but this game has some silly point inflation going on. It’s only level 1-2 and I already have almost 150,000,000 points. This game is the Zimbabwe of scores.
0:08 – And the game has broken itself. The first boss showed up, some green haired anime-looking woman named “Arala Cran”, and it started some dialogue. Because that’s what people play shoot-em-ups for, the story. Anyways, there’s no way to clear the dialogue and the game won’t advance unless I do. I know the game isn’t frozen since I can move my character in the background, but there’s no way to keep playing. Restart!
0:15 – And back to Arala Cran. Apparently there was supposed to be voice acting that just didn’t trigger. The voices and dialogue are just as hilariously bad as you would expect, though nothing to the extent of “fist 3 stage”.
0:16 – Boss defeated! Cue more hilarious dialogue.
“Tough!”
“Forgive me. Prayer for your soul.”
“Okay, maybe not so bad.” *explodes*
0:17 – Same bug, but now I know the cause. I’m playing the game on a PS3 and have been pausing it at times using the Home button so I can do this type up. If I pause it like that if there’s supposed to be dialogue then voices won’t trigger, making progress impossible. In other words, it’s my own damn fault. Oops.
0:18 – Trying a different character this time. His extremely serious intro dialogue: “We don’t need it. …okay, maybe it’s time to play hero. Come on!”
0:19 – Okay, this new character’s alternate attack is just summoning a ghost lady who flies around the screen murdering everything with ruthless efficiency. I don’t have to do anything, just hold down the square button and dodge the occasional bullet that actually gets through. The game basically plays itself.
0:23 – Again with Arala Cran, but new dialogue for the new character. “I like girls. …but now, it’s about justice.” So it is, protagonist. So it is. At least until 10 seconds later when he says “You have two choices: A. Beaten then caught; B. Caught then beaten.” Apparently it’s about justice and total brutality.
0:24 – “Go home. Regret this.” “It’s idiot power!” *explodes* “Too much fighting! I don’t like it!! Kicking your butts.” At this point I’m playing the game to see what hilarious thing it’ll say next.
0:32 – Yay, a new boss! A white haired guy named Dundeon. He goes down without much difficulty. “That why we were chosen by the castle.” “What?” “You don’t recognize it.” *explodes*
0:37 – And it gets challenging really fast. Game over. That just means I get to try a new character! Hilarious dialogue, ho!
0:38 – “Crooked —- castle? I see. New world, new order, guess the rest failed. I will fight!” Yes you will, anime witch lady. Yes you will.
0:41 – So this character’s special attack can only be described as ordering her butler to call down an orbital strike with manual targeting. Interesting. Makes the game much more engaging than with the last character.
0:44 – God dammit, what the hell? That same bug just occurred but without me pausing the game. It just happened, unprompted, and now the game is broken again. I know there can be problems with some PS2 games on PS3s that do backwards compatibility via emulation. I guess that’s the cause. Either way, I’m done. Three strikes, you’re out.
Conclusion: Castle Shikigami 2 is a wholly unremarkable, though not bad, shoot-em-up made special by how incredibly dumb it is. Hilarious translation errors and voice acting make each cut scene a treat. It’s a lot of fun as long as you’re okay with laughing at a game instead of with it.
Will I keep playing it: On a PS2? Yes. On my PS3? Never again.
